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Oliver Oyster
(A Skit)
by Sandra Harris

This monologue skit requires two actors, Oliver Oyster and a pearl diver. For Oliver’s costume, you will need a large appliance box. Cut the box in half horizontally on three sides only. Reinforce the hinged side with duct tape or strapping/packaging tape. In the front of the top half, cut out a “window” so that children can see the actor inside. Oliver needs a spray bottle filled with water, a paint brush and a small white ball. The pearl diver needs a snorkel or some other prop to help children recognize him/her as a pearl diver.

Oh my, time to eat again. Wonder what the old sea will serve up this time? [Opens “shell” wide, makes a long, slurping noise then closes the “shell.”]

Mmm, pretty good stuff! Algae, seaweed…. Mmm, yum-yum-yum. Well, that’s finished. Time to get rid of all of this water. [Opens “shell” slightly, makes a spewing sound while spraying water, then closes “shell.”]

That’s better. Oh my, I think I’m still a little hungry. I’ll try another mouthful of sea water. You never know what you might get to eat around here, maybe I’ll get caviar this time! [Opens “shell” wide, makes a long, slurping noise then closes the “shell.”]

Mmm, smack, smack, yum-yum! That about does it. . [Opens “shell” slightly, makes a spewing sound while spraying water, then closes “shell.”]

Oh! [Begins to squirm.] Ouch, ouch! Oh, something hurts! Owie! Ouch! Oh, what is it? It hurts so much! Wait ‘til I find whatever it is. I’ll throw it out on its ear! Ouch! Ouch! Oh, my poor body, my poor sensitive body. Ah-ha! Here’s the culprit! Why, it’s nothing but a tiny grain of sand. I’ll just flush it out of here with some water. [Opens “shell,” slurps, then sprays water. Repeats this process two more times.]

Oh dear, this just isn’t working. Now what can I do? Ouch! That sand feels so rough to my delicate flesh. Ouch! Well, sitting here complaining about it sure isn’t helping. Oh, I know! I’ll coat that grain of sand with this special stuff that will make it smooth. I can’t get rid of it, but I can sure make it feel a little better. [Pretends to paint the grain of sand.]

Ah, that feels a little better. I’ll put on another coat of that stuff. And another. And another…. [Oliver dozes off to indicate the passge of time.]

Yawn! That was a good nap. I feel like I’ve slept for years! [Stretches.] Ouch! I forgot about that grain of sand. Sure is getting big. [Makes ball visible to audience.]

[Enter pearl diver slowly.]

Oh-oh, what’s this coming? Ugh! Looks like one of those strange creatures that can’t even breathe under water. Well, he’s not eating me! [Clamps “shell” tightly. Diver struggles to open “shell” but finally succeeds to crack it open just enough to get his hand inside. Oliver moves to the back of the “shell.” ]

You’re still not getting me for lunch! [Diver feels around, finds “pearl” and removes it. His face lights up with joy as he examines his find then slowly moves away.]

Well, how about that! That strange creature likes that grain of sand! I’m glad to know it makes somebody happy. Now, I’m going to get a good sleep without pain. Goodnight! [Oliver slinks out of sight inside the “shell.”]